, , , , , , , , ,

I know I’m not the only person in America who hates their job.  I know I’m not the only person to feel like the Mom from the Incredibles.  I’m sure that lots of people are so busy that they constantly feel like they’re chasing their tales and turning into a scatterbrain.  I think my job is actually truly genuinely decreasing my cognitive abilities – how long can your brain honestly take work that is not challenging, having your ideas blown off, starting projects and never finishing them, completing projects that are never used, other people taking credit for your ideas, never receiving acknowledgment for work well done, and finally, when you work up the nerve to say something – having your concerns acknowledged and then never acted upon.  This tells me one thing and one thing only:  I am not important.

Several months ago I came to 2 important realizations: 1.) you should not live where you’re not loved, and 2.) if you don’t schedule the things that are important to you, you will be ruled by whatever lands in your email inbox. More on that later.  And when you’re ruled by whatever lands in your inbox, you wake up one morning 5 years later and realize that this is not what you had in mind for your life. Which leads me to the question – well, what do I want for my life?

That is the easy part.  I want to stop killing myself slowly by sitting at a desk all day.  I want to be able to actually raise my own son, and not be forced by life to leave him daycare.  I want to have the time to keep everything clean, and not feel anxiety over the state of the house after a 9 hour work day.  I want to put a hot healthy meal in front of my wonderful husband in the evening. I want to be in nature, I want to create, I want to use my brain, I want to stop answering to people who have no intention of actually hearing my answer and be my own boss.  I want to teach my boy problem solving, hard work and self-sufficiency.  I want time to give back – to pay attention to the people I love, to participate in my child’s education more, and to volunteer in my community.

The absolutely amazing thing about the paragraph above, is that there is nothing amazing about it.  So what I’ve realized, is that my current situation (similar the countless thousands of other people’s) is what is actually completely unreasonable, and this madness has become the normal.  I am consciously rejecting it!  It is normal for people to want to raise their own children (unless you live at Downton Abbey).  It is normal to want to eat a real meal with meat and vegetables.  It is normal to be discontent sitting at a desk all day because humans were not meant to sit at desks all day!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that everyone should feel this way.  I think of the lovely person who built me the computer that I’m writing on for example, and I can hardly imagine him deciding that he needs to get up from his desk and become something else. His job suits him as long as he’s enjoying it and learning.  My sister is the perfect example of a serious career woman – shes not like me at all and shes exactly where she should be. What I’m saying is I’m not crazy for wanting something different – not even – something more simple, and I don’t think I’m alone. More on that later.

So welcome to my blog.  This will document my journey from miserable diabetes-inducing boredom to something else.  Things have got to change.